Little Orphan Lohannie

Today, this article was at the top of my celebrity trash news and I thought, "do people still care?" Apparently, the answer is "yes, they do." So why not make it a musical?

The true story of Actress/Singer/Designer/Hot Mess/Paparazzi Target

Lindsay Lohan.

For lack of wanting to spend too much time researching Lindsay Lohan, this musical will actually follow the plot of that other little redhead, Annie. Beginning with the director calling the final "That's a Wrap" for the filming of The Parent Trap remake. Eleven-Year-Old Lohan sings Annie's opening number "Maybe." Instead, however, of being about her parents, she's singing about her career. When she realizes that the Disney Corporation owns her soul, she sings "It's Hard Knock Life."

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Former CEO of Disney, Michael Eisner takes over the musical at this point, singing "Little Girls" as he produces and takes Lohan through the filming of Freaky Friday, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen and Herbie: Reloaded.

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Intermission

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After a short scene/montage of Lohan's rise to teenage stardom with a more commercial Mean Girls, she, Tina Fey, Amanda Seyfried, and Rachael McAdams sing "I think I'm Gonna Like it Here." Unfortunately, by the end of the song, Lohan is left alone with the other three women go on to continued Hollywood and personal success. She reprises It's a Hard Knock Life while binge drinking and getting into car accidents. Her ultimate low point comes with singing a drunken "I Don't Need Anything But You" to the only copy of her music album, Speak, that was sold...to herself.

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The Paparazzi enter the stage singing a reprise of "Little Girls" as all the headlines, mugshots, and bad fashion photos flood the stage, leaving Lohan in a heap at the end of the stage.