Slave 4 U: The Britney Spears Musical

With the ongoing stage and screen success of Mamma Mia and all its spinoffs, I figure we might as well dip our producing toe into turning an artist’s career into a musical. ABBA? Sure an obvious choice. Billy Joel (Movin’ Out) and Queen (We Will Rock You) had to happen. Now it’s time for a truly great recording artist and fascinating media subject: Britney Spears. I mean, who in our modern times has lyrics so meaningful, not to mention the sheer musicality of the 4-note melodies?

The musical opens up with the birth of the main character, Bubblegum. Soon she is left alone in her crib at which point, she sadly sits up and sings “Born to Make You Happy.” By the end of the song, Bubblegum has entered a complex relationship with her abusive father (“Hit Me Baby One More Time” and “I’m a Slave 4 U”). Upon learning about the family life of young Bubblegum, a social worker visits the home (“Quicksand”) and takes Bubblegum away (“I Will Still Love You”). Bubblegum is sent to live in foster care (“Overprotected”). Not knowing how to relate to men, she tries to win over her foster dad (“Get Naked, I Got a Plan”). Horrified, he runs from the room and Bubblegum reflects (“I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman”) and flees his care (“I Run Away”).
– End of Act I –

Act II begins with Bubblegum living on the streets and whoring her 16-year-old self for crack (“Gimme More”). She finds a junkie/pimp with whom she begins a somewhat torrid relationship (“Crazy”) and he eventually has her work the streets (“Circus”). After a year of having sex for money (“The Hookup”), Bubblegum, strung-out and bruised, goes crazy. Left alone by a client, She tears a hotel room apart and discovers not drugs, but a razorblade – which she debates using to cut her wrists, but chops her hair off instead (“Freakshow”). When she crawls back to her pimp, he explains how much of a dumb bitch she’s been (“Lucky”) and then throws her out for being such a liability and easy target for the cops (“Someday I will Understand). Bubblegum reflects on her life (“Oops I Did It Again”) while sitting on a curbside and shooting up the last of her heroin supply (“Toxic”). Right when she thinks she has hit rock bottom, her father drives by and, thinking he is just picking up another whore, calls Bubblegum over to his car. Happy to be reunited, the two drive off (“Stronger” and “I’m a Slave 4 U, Reprise”).
– End of Play -