Yaz: A Jazz Musical About Birth Control

YAZ!
Because it is about time for a musical about birth control and FDA restrictions.


Character List:

• Yazmine (Yaz)
• Officer F.D.Admin
• Dr. Healthy-Vag, MD
• The Uterus Girls
• An Ensemble of Sperm.

Act I

During the overture a ballet of sperm begins to overtake the stage. Incidentally, the stage is circular, set up for the show to be done in the round. The ensemble of sperm come through the aisles in the house, but they are stopped by Yazmine, "Yaz," as she begins belting out her first notes (Not In My House, Sperm).

Yaz then goes into a quick musical explanation of how the birth control works. "I'm gonna trick you, lady/ You'll think your preggers, maybe/ You're gonna have a baby/Naw, it's just me," she sings (Not Pregnant).

Next comes the thickening of the cervical mucus. Yaz sings her way around the stage scatting to En Vogue (Never Gonna Get It). Just as she finishes building the wall, the sperm retaliate. As they begin to break down the barrier, Yaz belts out for help from the lining of the uterus. Instantly she is joined by a Spice Girls-like troupe of women all kicking and beating down the Sperm (Fetus Killer). "No Y chromosomes come near/Baby's not meant for here/I wanna get laid/ But no sperm can invade/My egg."

Just when things seem to be going well for Yaz, however, Dr. Healthy-Vag and Officer Admin enter the stage. They overtake the Uterus Girls and circle Yaz, accusing her (The Fugue of the Misleading Ad). Eventually Dr. Healthy-Vag and Officer Admin drag Yaz off stage to end Act I.

Act II

The Act begins with Yaz sitting on her cot in jail, sickly. She spends the first 40 minutes or so of the act singing and explaining herself as Officer Admin looks on (Beyond Birth Control). It's pretty much a Jazz ballad of this ad. You know which one I mean. Just as she is gaining some self confidence after explaining all the possible side effects, including anxiety, bloating, and depression, Yaz is met once more by Dr. H-V. MD. He Allows the Sperm Ensemble, now dressed in suits, into the cell and they all begin to sing (The Lawsuit Dropkick Do-Wop). By the end of this upbeat boggie, Yaz is exhausted and left in a crumpled mess on the floor as she laments (The Recall) and dies.